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Photocopying Kathleen

Which way
Pretty well head to toe imaging today. Because she is having severe nosebleeds and persistent infections in her nose, they are imaging her head and sinuses as well as the full body CT originally scheduled. Kath is having new gut pain on top of the regular issues so the timing is appropriate.
Our family doctor has really been going the extra 10 miles to make sure everything that can be done is being done like a master project manager. But, to just know she is watching out for Kathleen and that she is in her corner is immensely comforting. Really great professional and human being.
The imaging of course does not hurt. Its more a mental battle. As the machine wurrs and buzzes, turns and churns, you lay there wondering what does it see. What has it found. Your fate is now about to be read by someone in an office down the hall. With a probable cup of Tim’s in their hand ( it seems to be required here for staff), analysis will be done. Those dispassionate radiologist words and phrases will litter the report… Which ones will they be ? “Unremarkable”, “legions”, “gross”, “unknown mass”, “positive nodes”, “disease progression.”
We are to meet with the main chemo doc Wednesday to discuss the results but our GP said she would call as soon as she got a copy. She asked Kathleen if she still wanted to hear if it was bad news. Yes.
I feel resigned. Kath, a mixture of emotions. Sad, scared but somewhat numb as well. We are both anticipating another shift. We had sort of acclimatized to this level and we sense another shift is coming. Really, the level of dread is not what it used to be. Perhaps we are getting acclimatized to the acceleration as well as the dislocation.

A note about emails. Kathleen really, really, really appreciates all the notes/emails of support. She wants to respond to each and every one of them, but is sleeping a lot these days. Please know that she loves to get them, but is having problems replying. Sometimes she finds it a bit emotional to write back, so I do the blabbing for the both of us 🙂 We really do appreciate it, and as I have said before, it very much sustains us through this rough road.


—Mike

About In the Cancer Bubble

I am Kathleen's partner of almost 25yrs supporting her through this very tough and rough spot.

9 responses to “Photocopying Kathleen

  1. judy ⋅

    Dear Mike and Kathleen,
    Thinking of you all the time.
    Love Judy

  2. Anne ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike (and the “team”..Elaine and Jan and anyone I have inadvertently forgotten to mention)
    Please know that you are ever present in our hearts and thoughts. I wish as all others do that there was something we could do to help. Know that we send smiles, we send hugs, and we send soooo much love. We are here cheering you on, Kathleen we are so moved by your gentle smile, your inspiring ways of grace. Mike thank you for the updates. The humour infused bits and bites of wisdom and news are truly appreciated.
    We have a Karma class at Kalyana tonight to support a Breast Cancer patient. In our sleepy corner of the world we are trying to help make a difference. The class is almost sold out! WE will send the vibes cultivated in this generous community your way to be shared in your journey too!
    Thinking of you all with much love,
    XO XO
    Anne, Ron, Devan and Stefanie

  3. Jane Newman ⋅

    Kathleen, in my thoughts and prayers constantly!
    Hoping for good news for you. As I am putting together the raffle prizes for IWD still can’t believe what a trooper you were last year and we didn’t even know you we’re sick! Miss you at Zonta, but know you are there is spirit as the raffle items are coming in nicely! Hugs Hugs Hugs
    Jane Newman

  4. Fran Fisher ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike. Such a strong loving couple. Please know that we walk with you. If only our collective prayers and well wishes could give you physical comfort. You are in our thoughts daily. Sending hugs hugs and more hugs. Fran

  5. anne paterson ⋅

    The world would be a much better place if there were indeed two Kathleen’s. There would be double that beautiful, gentle touch on the world. And double the fun, I’ve seen that wild side of her…. I hope that your week of treatment goes well. Thinking of you always. Big hugs.

  6. ~ Jill ⋅

    Dearest Kathleen, Mike, Jan and Elaine, Thinking of you all. What a beautiful photo of you Kathleen, Equally beautiful that we see your loving and gentle smile twice. There is only one of you and for that we, your cheerleaders in your circle of caring, are so very blessed indeed. May all the loving and caring energy we are sending to you and Mike, Jan and Elaine bring some comfort and lightness to your day. ❤

    With much love. XOXOXO

  7. Terry and Colleen ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike, every photo so beautiful, every smile too, one would never guess there is uncertainty and pain. Such remarkable love! Not a day goes by that we don’t think of you both, Elaine and Jan, and hoping that there is some light in each day that you can all move towards. Love and Huge Hugs, from us in Port Elgin each and every day.

  8. diane hutton ⋅

    Dear kathy ,mike and Elaine
    so glad you are there Jan with your long time friend.
    You are all in and out of my thoughts many times each day.
    I send my love to you all and know you gain much comfort from each other
    diane

  9. Bill and Diane ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike

    Wished we had known sooner. Would love to visit if possible. Stay strong. loads and loads of love

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