Pretty well head to toe imaging today. Because she is having severe nosebleeds and persistent infections in her nose, they are imaging her head and sinuses as well as the full body CT originally scheduled. Kath is having new gut pain on top of the regular issues so the timing is appropriate.
Our family doctor has really been going the extra 10 miles to make sure everything that can be done is being done like a master project manager. But, to just know she is watching out for Kathleen and that she is in her corner is immensely comforting. Really great professional and human being.
The imaging of course does not hurt. Its more a mental battle. As the machine wurrs and buzzes, turns and churns, you lay there wondering what does it see. What has it found. Your fate is now about to be read by someone in an office down the hall. With a probable cup of Tim’s in their hand ( it seems to be required here for staff), analysis will be done. Those dispassionate radiologist words and phrases will litter the report… Which ones will they be ? “Unremarkable”, “legions”, “gross”, “unknown mass”, “positive nodes”, “disease progression.”
We are to meet with the main chemo doc Wednesday to discuss the results but our GP said she would call as soon as she got a copy. She asked Kathleen if she still wanted to hear if it was bad news. Yes.
I feel resigned. Kath, a mixture of emotions. Sad, scared but somewhat numb as well. We are both anticipating another shift. We had sort of acclimatized to this level and we sense another shift is coming. Really, the level of dread is not what it used to be. Perhaps we are getting acclimatized to the acceleration as well as the dislocation.
A note about emails. Kathleen really, really, really appreciates all the notes/emails of support. She wants to respond to each and every one of them, but is sleeping a lot these days. Please know that she loves to get them, but is having problems replying. Sometimes she finds it a bit emotional to write back, so I do the blabbing for the both of us 🙂 We really do appreciate it, and as I have said before, it very much sustains us through this rough road.