It was rough week for Kathleen. The pain got very much worse on Monday and continued in unmanaged territory until it got a bit better on Wednesday when they adjusted the dosage. We saw the pain and symptom team, and we have every pain killer available to us. The challenge is that none seem to work for this sort of back pain. Next step is the physiotherapist who helped me with my back issues a few years ago to see if there is anything she can do for Kathleen. Thats Monday.
Chemo day again today. There was some worry that her platelets would be too low as the number was 67 on Wednesday and as a result, we had to go to the cancer center at 9am sharp to repeat the blood work. Kath was pretty anxious about it. She is already in low odds territory and if she had to delay another round of chemo it would just make a bad situation worse. 75 was the cutoff and they bounced back to 81. So another blast of FOLFIRI.
Bracketed somewhere between the extremes of life and death, we have agency to effect our lives. When you are young and healthy, you have a great deal of potential control over your fate. Not so much when you have cancer. What once presented itself as doable, is moved out of your purview. You do the best you can with what you have, but, every day more and more is taken away from you and whats left is more difficult to work with. In the past Kathleen could adapt to the new rules of the game, but lately it seems the rules are being changed on a daily basis. Thats one of the hardest things right now. Kathleen’s world that she has agency over, is getting smaller and smaller and harder and harder. For a woman who has been so very independent all her life… Well, difficult is an understatement. Simple things like the fact that we always took the stairs to the second floor where the appointments are– now she has to take a wheel chair in the elevator. It’s a hard thing to get used to, but it’s no longer in her control to change that.
That being said, we still managed a trip out the night before. Our good friend Diane has been here this week being a tremendous help fixing up the bathroom to make it accessible for Kathleen. With the wheelchair we managed a short trip out to Home Hardware to look at fixtures. It was a small thing but a big thing in her ever shrinking world.