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Hard Effort, Hard Day, Hard Results

She really did try with all her might, but the pain was just too much to lay on her back. She was incredibly brave. Not fearless. Brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is pushing forward despite every fibre in your body telling you don’t. Pushing through the tears, to the point where she started to throw up. They didn’t manage the pain meds quite as well as they did for the MRI, but I think her pain issues are worse than they were. At this point, even if she didn’t have cancer, sitting and sleeping in a chair for 2 weeks is going to cause problems on their own. The gallium is in her system until tomorrow so they are going to give it another try in the AM and hopefully better time the pain meds. Kathleen really wants to push forward with another round of chemo but they are waiting on the gallium scan 😦

The afternoon was particularly hard. They up’d her one drug to the point where she became unresponsive and was drifting dangerously close to being in a coma. They were readying the shot of adrenaline when we were finally able to get her to open her eyes. It was a tad stressful to understate things.

Second attempt tomorrow morning. She is already getting anxious.

—Mike

About In the Cancer Bubble

I am Kathleen's partner of almost 25yrs supporting her through this very tough and rough spot.

13 responses to “Hard Effort, Hard Day, Hard Results

  1. Maria ⋅

    She is the strongest, bravest, most amazing women I have ever met. I admire her so much and she is such an inspiration to me! Love you my tpn sista!!! Xxo

  2. fjheath

    Oh Kathleen! I hope the scan works tomorrow so you can start treatment. I’m so so sorry you are having so much pain. That sucks. But YAY for bravery and determination! You rock! (Tikko is barking in agreement).

  3. Jennifer Corbett ⋅

    We are all rooting for you, Kathleen. My heart goes out to you, as do my prayers for comfort and continued strength.
    Mike, your strength is awe-inspiring, your dedication to your beautiful partner Kathleen so unwaivering. Here’s hoping and praying that things go much better tomorrow!
    With love,
    Jennifer and family

  4. anne paterson ⋅

    You’re right. A hard day ! I hope that you are able to get the test done tomorrow. If anyone can get thru this it is Kathleen. She has been soooo determined and soooo strong through this whole experience. She’ll be game to try again tomorrow. Best of luck. Tell Kathleen about her fellow zontians activities for tomorrow. It’s International Women’s Day and we will be on the Bridgeport bridge from 5 to 6 in support of saying No to Violence Against Women. Wish she could be with us but we’ll send a picture.

  5. judy ⋅

    Dear Mike and Kathleen,
    We’ll be thinking of you tommorow morning during the gallium test, wishing for better pain relief soon. Hopefully the time of day will make a difference. Hang in there Kathleen, you are amazing.
    Love Judy

  6. Stacee Forrester ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike,

    I do hope tomorrow brings less pain and more information as to what is causing the pain so the treatment can follow to take that pain away. I wish there were an envelope that could cushion you both and wrap you neatly into a bundle and send you to a place of pain-free, stress-free beautiful bliss of just being as you were. You are so strong and open and vulnerable and awesome and insightful and willing to be right here right now in the moment for all of us to share. wow.
    Sleep well and hugs your way,
    love,
    Stacee and Isobel

  7. Nancy Croth ⋅

    Mike and Kathleen, I don’t know what to say except that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  8. Alice Nabalamba ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike,
    How I had hoped and prayed that the new pain meds would bring some relief and that she would finally get decent sleep! I wish there was a way to reach and touch you and take some of that pain away.

  9. John L ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike: We are thinking of you and hoping that today is a better day for both of you. Your friends Stacee and Isobel so beautifully and poignantly stated all that we feel in our hearts and minds. I will spend today’s meditation sending thoughts of love, healing, comfort, and peace. Please call upon us in anyway.

    Love John and Meredith

  10. Rosemary P ⋅

    I have never thought of bravery in the way you defined it. Kathleen truly is a brave, brave person. The love you show her and share with us must be one of the things that helps her to be brave.  Sending thoughts for a successful day with gentle hugs and wishes for a decrease of pain to both of you.

  11. Jill ⋅

    Dearest Kathleen and Mike, There are times when words just aren’t available to me. I can simply say to you with a lack of eloquence or literary skills that my heart is with you and I wish for you a day that brings gentle moments, comfort and an abundance of love. ❤

  12. Colleen and Terry ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike, by now just maybe the scan is complete and Kathleen made it through. Yesterday was rough, that word hardly seems to describe. That’s just it, there are so many words and none of them seem huge enough to describe what you are going through. Brave, brave and then again more brave Kathleen. Our hearts ache for you. You are in our thoughts constantly and wishing with all our mights for a better day ahead. Love, Terry and Colleen

  13. Fran Fisher ⋅

    Dear Kathleen – thinking about you all day and hoping and praying for a day of comfort. You ARE so very brave, and you are VERY LOVED. If only this love could ease your pain. Mike, we’re sending our love and prayers your way as well. Your bravery, strength and devotion to Kathleen is an inspiration to us all. Big, gentle hugs to both of you.

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