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Foot Heads Arms Body

Despite the chemo brain and the heavy pain meds, Kathleen was able to decipher the odd news headline above.  Foot Heads Arms Body– a guy named Michael Foot was put in charge of a nuclear disarmament committee.  Foot Heads Arms Body.  Clever.  But even better is she is finally coming out of that dark place she calls her chemo cave. In that darkness, you do actually tend to see your body disassociated from yourself. Feet hurt and are swollen. Head is foggy and cant stay awake. Body aches and cannot move, but is not comfortable in its lack of movement. Same with the cancer. Its not part of ‘her’ but ‘other’. The cancer wakes us up at 3am. The cancer keeps us away from some fun sunny destination in the winter. The cancer steals life from her. But now, a little bit of energy to putter to the kitchen and enough to watch a bit of TV and browse the internet.

For me, the lack of sleep is irritating. But thats fixable. The hard part is seeing Kathleen so weak from the cancer, the drugs and the side effects of the drugs and the side effects from the side effects of the drugs to address the side effects. Its a lot of balancing, and in the past we have managed to keep all the balls in the air for the most part. So when she had the horrible vomiting, as someone who is in a support role, you take it as a bit of a failure. Its not like I am going to cure Kathleen of cancer, but you have to afford yourself the little fiction that you have some agency and control in the process to at least limit the symptoms. To some degree anyways.

It was a rough cycle on her, but she thankfully seems to be emerging from it today. All the parts are a little more whole again and not split into feet, head, arms and body. Its Kathleen next to me in the living room.

Some distractions below. I unleashed the brain teaser game “4 pics, 1 word” on Elaine, and Kathleen checking her mail with Betty helping along. Orville is happy to be on the couch with Elaine
Waterloo-20130316-00523

—Mike

About In the Cancer Bubble

I am Kathleen's partner of almost 25yrs supporting her through this very tough and rough spot.

10 responses to “Foot Heads Arms Body

  1. Maureen ⋅

    Kathleen,
    Glad to see you are feeling better. Hope the back is better as well. I remember chemo brain well, definitely a big fog… and nice when you feel you can think clearly.
    enjoy your weekend.
    Much love from SoCal,
    Mo

  2. Rosemary P ⋅

    So good to see the photo od ‘normal’ stuff….browsing the Internet and hanging out in the living room are nice luxuries. Enjoy the clearing of the fog and hope the pain is clearing as well.

  3. anne paterson ⋅

    soooooooo glad to hear that Kathleen has turned a corner and is feeling better once again. enjoy the down time and relax! Big hugs to all.

  4. Colleen and Terry ⋅

    What a sweet pic! So natural and together with love all around.
    Continuing to cheer you guys on! Hugs Col and Ter

  5. Fran Fisher ⋅

    Hello Kathleen. What a difference a week makes. Glad you are starting to get some comfort. Hope you are having fun catching up. Big and gentle hugs… Fran

  6. west coast Lisa ⋅

    Hi Kathleen & Mike! Sometimes the little things in life can be so important and mean so much. I have a similar photo of Frankie as a wee puppy helping Jan with her computer work. And I still can’t believe how small Orville can make himself when sharing the couch is necessary so I’m quite amused to see Elaine in the corner, perched on the edge. Reminds me of how Nellie “shares” my bed with me.
    Sending big hugs!
    Lisa xo

  7. judy ⋅

    Hi Mike and Kathleen,
    We must think alike, foot…. british name to me but with an ee. Glad you are at home feeling better and surfing the net etc. Nice photo.
    Love Judy

  8. Jill ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike, If someone has brain fog I think/I know it is be me. I had to read the Foot Heads Arms Body a couple of times before I had my aha I get it moment. You’re sharp as can be Kathleen. Kathleen, it is nice to see you and your Mom in your lovely sunny room just doing things together quietly. Mike, thanks for this great photo. So glad you are able to be in your home together. Sending love and very best wishes from the sunshine-hidden-behind-some-big clouds state. xo Jill

  9. diane hutton ⋅

    Great picture of the 2 of you-actually 4 of you-doing quiet stuff and enjoying the moment
    love to you both
    diane

  10. Karen Gee ⋅

    Hi Kathleen and Michael,
    Often, it’s very hard to put into words but I think of you both so often and read your blogs. I’m so glad that you’re home again Kathleen and hopefully, feeling a little more human. Your love for each other, courage and determination is amazing and perhaps a lesson to us all.
    I do miss our dog walking days 🙂
    Smiles and hugs to you both,
    Karen.

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