Posted on

FOLFIRI, OK

FOLFIRI, Full Fury…. furious snow storm as well. But we are just 1km away from the hospital so its an easy trip. You have to admire the dedication of the staff. One of Kathleen’s favorite nurses was looking after her today. She lives outside of the region but stayed overnight close by so it was an easier drive to work. Its that kind of care and dedication that make it so much easier to go through this shitty process. You know everyone tries their best for you. hospital-snow

Not totally complication free, but relatively easy. Half way through the new infusion, she started to feel dizzy and about to vomit. Not the typical reaction, but a reaction. Again, you just marvel at the cool and steady professionalism of her nurse. “Describe the nausea and lightheadedness…. Let me check your blood pressure and blood sugars…. They look good…. The atropine will fix you up”…. It did. She speaks to Kathleen with such kindness in her voice, like a younger sister would.

Social Worker dropped by as well. It was good for us to all chat. Its more like a salon than talking to someone who is paid to be there. We have talked to a few different people now. When offered help, we take it. We are not the type of people who if we are lost, wont ask for direction. But it doesnt always help. Not everyone can tune in on the same philosophical frequency. After the social worker left, the pharmacist asked us if she was another friend visiting, as thats what the tone of the chatter was like. She has some constructive suggestions and its good to talk over the issues, that Kathleen and I already talk about, to someone who has seen people on this road before.

We know the odds are very much against us right now, but there is still hope, even if its pretty small. The fact that we are not always in a puddle of tears I guess means we are doing OK. In the time we have left together, we’ll try to make the best of it. Its funny, when I run into people in person or on the phone, they ask, “how are you” and of course you respond with “OK” and in the back of my mind I say to myself, “all things considered”. But ultimately, its always like that. Whether you are in the midst of some severe illness or not, how you are is always in some context and inside that context, you fight to find “ok”. And I think we are.

—Mike & Kathleen

About In the Cancer Bubble

I am Kathleen's partner of almost 25yrs supporting her through this very tough and rough spot.

11 responses to “FOLFIRI, OK

  1. judy ⋅

    Dear Mike and Kathleen,
    Sending hugs and kisses.
    Love Judy

  2. Nancy Croth ⋅

    I have been struggling since Wednesday with my response to that posting. I know that you have been preparing us through your past posts but it still felt like a body blow to hear you actually give the prognosis a time frame. While I normally face the world in cloak of optimism, I must admit to having been stripped somewhat naked with what’s been transpiring of late. On the other hand, from the perspective of one who has lived a significant portion of her adult life in a single state, your absolute love and devotion to each other is a gift that I am so thankful you have been able to experience. I know there is nothing I can say right now to take your sadness away except that I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    I will keep the fires of optimism burning for you!!!
    Hugs and love
    Nancy

  3. Anne ⋅

    Hi Guys
    Can pictures lie? Kathleen looks so great in the pic… how can the news be so? I too, am reeling and feeling mute and somewhat inadequate in the communication department. Feels as though words have taken sabbatical. Nothing apt for all that I am feeling right now….I shall try my best….On the top of the list is gratitude for you both. For the wonderful way you share your “story” with such love, frankness, humour and willingness. Gratitude also for the love that you share and demonstrate along with tenacity, hope and honesty. May we all learn to live with such grace and equanimity in tumultuous times. You are two terrific teachers. Thank you for the blessings of those teachings. I observe, I listen, I hope I learn even just a little of all that you inspire. May you always know that you are loved and supported in each step, in each moment. I too, continue to stoke the fires of optimism especially on these cooler winter days.
    Looking forward to our visit and seeing you soon!
    Sending hugs in the meantime.
    Much love to you all in KW!
    XO,
    Anne

  4. Stacee Forrester ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike,
    Isobel and I were thinking about you today, standing amidst the snow of the storm and how beautiful you are. You were in my thoughts all day today. The snow storm made me think about you, what you are facing in your lives, with the swirls of the gripping wind and the snow stinging your face as it whips by, the depth of snow trying to slog through it, the slippery bits where you just don’t know what lies below. And yet, you have managed to convey the beauty, courage, strength and absolute love amidst the storm. I know of course it is no where near what you are experiencing, only that it made me think about you from a place within my core. You are truly giving a special gift by sharing your life with us and you continue to inspire me. We send lots of warm thoughts and hugs your way. Wishing you a good night full of peace.
    hugs,
    Stacee and Isobel

  5. Marc X ⋅

    I’m in a puddle of tears just reading your posts, Mike. Your love for each other and appreciation of all that life has brought you both is admirable. The simple joy of walking the dogs feels that much more poignant after reading your posts.

  6. ~ Jill ⋅

    Dear Kathleen, Mike and Jan, At times when it seems a challenge to find words of comfort, support and hope, I find myself looking to you in admiration. I find myself drawn to and drawing on the incredible strength, love, courage, positivity, humour, honesty, and candor you continue to show and share. Through every word and every photo, the knowledge, the wit, the incredible courage and limitless love you share is such a blessing to all of us who are so fortunate to be in your circle of caring. Keeping you very close in my heart and in my thoughts and sending big hugs. xoxoxo

  7. Fran Fisher ⋅

    Dear Kathleen and Mike. Thank you for letting us walk with you during this very difficult time. Your strength and courage and your incredible love for one another are an inspiration to us all. I don’t have any words to make you well, but I have prayers to give you comfort and lots and lots of hugs. xxxx Fran

  8. Kristin ⋅

    Hi Kathleen & Mike,
    Always thinking about you both and sending positive thoughts from across the miles xo

    Not sure if your mom told you about this but if you’re interested please check out the following videos…

    http://kriscarr.com/products/crazy-sexy-cancer/

    One video is a very inspiring look at the life of stage 4 cancer survivor Kris Carr. The second video focuses on our society’s views on ‘diet’ and how to improve our health by making changes to our food consumption and describes the effects on a cellular level. Both fantastic and inspiring to watch. Kris Carr has changed my life!

    Love you both
    Kristin xo

  9. Fran Fisher ⋅

    Hello Kathleen. Thinking of you tonight and sending a big hug your way. Xxxxxx. Fran

  10. kimberly ⋅

    Nothing I could say would approach the beauty and emotion of what I have read here. So, I offer this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCicM6i59_I
    Kimberly

  11. Terry and Colleen ⋅

    Dear Kath, and Mike, so much of what we feel for you and wish to say, has been said in reading all the posts. The beauty of your love, is still the huge light we see, no matter what you are faced with during this journey, you face it head on, with optimism, and boundless courage. Each photo, shows no sign of disease, sadness, or giving up. They teach all of us so much. They are beautiful. We continue to think of you and send positive vibes. Oh Yes, and thank you, for all you have shown and given to us throughout your battle. You have helped us as well. Colleen and Terry xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s