FOLFIRI, Full Fury…. furious snow storm as well. But we are just 1km away from the hospital so its an easy trip. You have to admire the dedication of the staff. One of Kathleen’s favorite nurses was looking after her today. She lives outside of the region but stayed overnight close by so it was an easier drive to work. Its that kind of care and dedication that make it so much easier to go through this shitty process. You know everyone tries their best for you.
Not totally complication free, but relatively easy. Half way through the new infusion, she started to feel dizzy and about to vomit. Not the typical reaction, but a reaction. Again, you just marvel at the cool and steady professionalism of her nurse. “Describe the nausea and lightheadedness…. Let me check your blood pressure and blood sugars…. They look good…. The atropine will fix you up”…. It did. She speaks to Kathleen with such kindness in her voice, like a younger sister would.
Social Worker dropped by as well. It was good for us to all chat. Its more like a salon than talking to someone who is paid to be there. We have talked to a few different people now. When offered help, we take it. We are not the type of people who if we are lost, wont ask for direction. But it doesnt always help. Not everyone can tune in on the same philosophical frequency. After the social worker left, the pharmacist asked us if she was another friend visiting, as thats what the tone of the chatter was like. She has some constructive suggestions and its good to talk over the issues, that Kathleen and I already talk about, to someone who has seen people on this road before.
We know the odds are very much against us right now, but there is still hope, even if its pretty small. The fact that we are not always in a puddle of tears I guess means we are doing OK. In the time we have left together, we’ll try to make the best of it. Its funny, when I run into people in person or on the phone, they ask, “how are you” and of course you respond with “OK” and in the back of my mind I say to myself, “all things considered”. But ultimately, its always like that. Whether you are in the midst of some severe illness or not, how you are is always in some context and inside that context, you fight to find “ok”. And I think we are.
—Mike & Kathleen