Its in her lungs. The rest of the report didn’t really matter too much. Oddly enough it said the lymph nodes in her gut didn’t significantly change. Even her neck lymph nodes didn’t really look different in size. Perhaps only shape. If that was all in the report, that would be good news. But a spread to the lungs with several sites confirms what we already suspected, that the FOLFOX chemo drug was no longer working. There was no direct evidence of it hitting her liver, but later when we read the report, there were signs (eg Pneumobilia) that it might be headed there or already is there. So its spread. Friday, Kathleen will start the FOLFIRI, which is a second line chemo. Supposedly the side effects are not as bad as FOLFOX, but everyone reacts differently. As its a second line drug, it is normally not as effective as FOLFOX. But she wants to try and there is still a reasonable possibility it might work, so the doctor is all for it, as are we. But its just a possibility, not probability.
So, what does it all mean ? The chemo doctor said the lung nodes are small and it would probably be a “long” time before they get big, to where they are causing shortness of breath or fluid in her lungs– assuming of course the new chemo does not keep them in check. What does long mean ? He said “months”. I would prefer “years”, but its “months”…
What do we think ? Well, its pretty shitty of course. What more can one say. Before the chemo doctor appointment, we had a very nice long talk with a social worker who Kath connected with at the hospital in the surgical days. If we knew her outside of this context, we would consider her more of a friend as we have much in common to talk about. It was a helpful chat. Added perspectives on big issues like death and living while dying are important to continually work out and develop ways of understanding. Everything is on the table to talk about for us and I think that helps a lot. 25 years. A lot of living for us in that time. We still have some time left, and we will continue to build on it as best we can, for as long as we can.